Shearing My Wool

I'll start with the bad news so this can end on a good note.

Bad: Bought a new airwalker of eBay by V-fit, its great quality, very heavy, terrific value, until 2 minutes after I used it *snap* the left pedal was put on backward so the weakest part was bearing all the weight. A normal weighted person would have been fine. But when you're not it makes a huge difference. So my deal is no longer a deal as I will now have to buy a replacment foor plate from the company , lame.

Knowing that I broke my own exercise equipment was a bit of a blow so I've been a bit mopey, having that start off my week was not good. Also, I've been playing Knights of the Old Republic 2 and aand the damn thing went and froze on me. Its originaly for the Xbox but I play it on the 360 and its apparently scratched so that is halted until another can be purchase, again, lame.

Weight loss this week has been pretty slow, my heads not been in it ever since the aurwalker incident. It's a mental thing though with me and if its not in my head then its not in my heart. I'm starting to feel better though so I should be back on the ball.

As for the good news though: i got into a pair of jeans that I haven't worn for nearly since I got them. That was a nice feeling i mean they're still a bit too tight to fit properly and wear out in public but at least they can be gotten into. Which is something, they used to be straightjacket tight. I can get into them but it makes that roll above my belly button stick out like a shelf, I swear a small table lamp could sit upon it, lol. No seriously, it is quite a milestone for me. i'm proud of myself.

In addition to that, I've purchased, from the same ebay buyer, an easy shaper. Id never heard of it till I saw it online. I had a look at the exercises you're to do and they all seem too easy, the ab ones anyhow which is the area that I have the most trouble with, I use it mostly for back extensions (which i'm totally feeling right now) and thigh things. oh also assisted sit ups.

The weights are going good, my left wing, isn't as creased now, probably the worst thing about my body following the shelf. I wore this linen dress today though, when I first bought it was very tight on my arms, now its .......well, its not fine, but it is wearable and alot more comfortable.

On a regular note- we did a shop today......we should own like 30% of weight watchers by now, we buy that brand more than any other. Its not too bad really, I enjoy their foods. I do want a chinese takeaway though, , but alas it will have to weight. We're trying to get to the states in august and I want to get down to 19st which is like....267, wow that seems impossible, but the rate i'm losing it is quick for now. I really hope I can do it, my family would be so shocked to see me weighing that much, it would be great!

Well I'll start by telling a bit about myself and how this blog came to be and what you can expect. Shall we begin?

Well, I've been overweight for as long as I can remember it has been the single most constant thing of my entire life. Always there to hold me back (confidence), always someone commenting either rudely or in a "helping" manner. Lets be honest no one wants to hear family comments on your weight and lifestyle especially if your family is like mine and doesn't posses but a sliver of tact. When I went to Puerto Rico with my parents for the first time at 15 we went and saw family, family I had never met mind you; on more than one occassion the first thing that was said to me from these strangers was "Wow, you're a big girl. How much do you weigh?" What a devestating thing to say to a 15 year old, but I'm getting side tracked. I've tried every diet within reason, Atkins, slim fast, bulimia (yeah, I went there) and they just never worked out. My life hit a catalyst when I went to the doctor because I was having issues below the belt and above the knees. Basically, it just wouldn't stop. I was diagnoised with polycystic ovarian syndrom and my Dr. didn't bullshit me she was like "Dude, you need to lose weight and your health will improve. You don't want to live like this for the rest of your life." It clicked, I weighed in at 141kg (about 310 lbs) and I was horrified that I had let myself get that way. She put me on Reductil to lower my apetite and suggested that I keep a food journal and keep active. Twenty-eight days later I had gone from 141 to 134 (294) and it was just the boost I needed. Especially the hell of losing that weight let me tell you, it was not easy. Keeping under 1400 calories a day, no take out, no restaurants, it was hard. You don't get up to 300+ pounds by not loving food, normally anyway, it was hard.

So thats how this blog came to be, just a journal of sorts plotting my progress and just sharring my story. I plan on listing my weight once a month, everytime I go back to the doctor, which is about every 28 days. Once I get down to 18 stone I'll weigh myself more often. Why 18 stone? Well because thats what our scale goes up to, above that the scale becomes inaccurate....reality sucks huh? Anyway i'm about 2 stone away from that so maybe in a couple months? I'll write down some of my life experiences reguarding my weight, how things have effected me and in what ways...this isn't going to be a super uplifting, amazing blog. The media's point of view on weight- don't expect tons of this, it's mostly films but who knows, we'll see how it goes. I'm dealing with facts, every post isn't going to end on a possitive cause thats just not how life works. Some of it is quite depressing. So if you like reading about train wrecks and what not and aren't afraid of reality then I think you'll find the inspiration that is subtly laced through my posts. I do swear a little bit, not tons but i'll try keeping it down to a bare minimum but some times the only word that can describe a bad day is "shitty" but I dont think you'll be horribly offended. I'll try adding pictures every time I list my weight as well, so we shall see. I'm not doing this only because of my weight issues, I guess it's a healing process as well. Letting go of alot of the bitterness and pain that being fat my entire life has created.

I guess I should say some things about myself as a person now, I'm 21, American and living in the UK. I'm married to a Brit and have been living in Leicester for going on two years now. I love make up and hair and clothes. Fashion especially, even being a size 26 I love looking presentable and polished and riding the stigma of fat people looking sloppy. I have tons of clothes, absolutly tons and I look forward to the day when I can sell them off. I'm half Puerto Rican and black, I lived in Houston, TX before I moved to the UK. Umm, make up is great, I just like putting it on and having fun with it. Don't know if i'm any good at it but I do enjoy it. Hair as well, pretty fun to change my look, but my hair is a demon's nest. It's very very curly and its difficult to straighten, very time consuming, but fun. I guess that is me then...

Thanks for stopping by